I ate my tissue.

Jamie: i sneezed. but that’s not all.
Jamie: i knew i was gonna sneeze, so i got the tissue ready.
Jill: it’s cuz you held it back in the car [I'm alluding to farts here.]
Jamie: and when i breathed in to sneeze, i ate a piece of tissue.
Jill: hahahaha
Jamie: see, no. this isn’t a fart story. it seemed like it would be, but then PLOT TWIST. i ate my tissue.

I couldn’t stop laughing. Do you think this is funny? Or am I crazy?

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

I recently finished reading The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers. It was a Christmas gift from Megan last year. In the front cover she wrote “I miss you. Love, Megan.” This inscription couldn’t have been more apt.

Tired of all the young adult fiction I had consumed over the last month, I chose this book off of my “to read” shelf without any expectation or forethought. I soon realized this was one of those AP English that-probably-has-hidden-meaning kind of books. The narrative was easy to read (no Billy Budd nonsense here) and intriguing enough to keep me interested the whole way through.

As the title suggests, the resounding emotion behind all of the experiences of the characters is loneliness. In order for this loneliness to maintain its potency, each character also experiences a type of love, whether it is genuine, fleeting, or obsessive.

As I got to know each character, I found I was able to categorize them into one of two categories: those in love with a person and those in love with an ideal. In the instances where one character loved another, it was always unrequited. And as an ideal can never reciprocate feelings of love, those who loved an ideal also never had these feelings requited.

Endings always feel like the most important part of a book to me, especially in an ensemble narrative. Why end with that particular character thinking or saying that particular thing? I feel as though it has to relate to the rest of the novel, to the heart of what the author intended to convey, for it to be the final image reverberating in the reader’s mind.

I had to read the last two pages of this book twice. The ending seemed to deal with balancing on the precipice of a higher understanding of the meaning of life only to return to the mundane routine of things. Would a higher understanding let us connect to people with similar ideals and thus rid us of the tendency to fall into loneliness? Perhaps it is our dependency on the mundane routine aspects of life that alienate us from each other.

The character in the final scene was paralyzed with fear as he was faced with this new possibility. I think it is this fear of the unknown that makes us cling to the mundane and the loneliness that comes right along with it.

Concert

In honor of the Killers concert today, I want to post something I wrote on a particularly oppressive day at work back in December of last year.

I want to go to a concert and be mashed up against the bodies of ten different strangers. I want to feel the vibration of the music come up through the soles of my shoes and echo in my eardrums. I want to close my eyes and not care who I’m with or what I’m wearing. All I want to care about is shouting the words at the top of my lungs because it’s impossible to sing off key when the key is being shoved down your throat. I’ve had my hair pulled, my butt pinched, and the air forced out of my lungs. I’ve been shoved, pushed, pulled, and abused. I just want to throb with the beat as it bullies everything else out of the room.

Oh yeah, Anime Expo…

I hate recounting past events. I never do it. There are many detailed accounts of first days at girls camp, youth conference, and Disneyland in my journal. These entries are usually followed by a quickly scribbled “the rest of the trip was fun” a few weeks afterwards. You’d think I’d learn my lesson.

Anyway, the rest of the trip was fun.

I’m in a couple of pictures in a video Kimberly made. I think if I had taken more pictures than videos, I would care more about posting them. As it is, my videos are boring. No one wants to see those. (However, feel free to notice that my Toshiyuki Morikawa youtube video has thousands of hits…omg sephiroth!!11!)

Bugs

Bugs are disgusting. Kimberly posted a picture of an enormous praying mantis chilling on our screen door. It was on the outside, thank everything in the universe.

We also have a ridiculously large bee that has been testing our sliding door for weaknesses. He hasn’t found an in yet. And the frost is coming. So we’re safe until the thaw.

The other day I was heading to my car when I stopped short in front of the back door to my apartment building. On the wall just outside the door was the fattest grasshopper ever. I had to go out a different door and walk around the building to the parking lot. Unfortunately, my imagination had been activated and I assumed the bushes were teaming with mutant insects determined to either stick to me or enter an orifice against my wishes. And so, I ran full-tilt to my car. That was the plan, at least. I misjudged the trajectory needed to clear the stairs and my fear of imaginary bugs was quickly replaced with pain. Lying on my back with my keys at least three feet away, I was suddenly unconcerned with the grasshoppers’ evil intentions. I still blame them for the scar, though.

I don’t understand what it is about bugs that terrify me so much. Butterflies, lady bugs, and potato bugs don’t scare me at all (ants aren’t bad either, as long as they are of the tiny, black variety). I’ll pick them up and let them crawl on my hands (except the ants). But a praying mantis? Grasshopper? Moth? (Not to mention bees, spiders, beetles, and dragonflies.) Gross.

So why would a moth scare me when a butterfly doesn’t? As far as I can tell, it’s the thick bodies. Why don’t ants scare me? They move slow in lines, which allows for easy termination.

But a praying mantis doesn’t move, you say! Yeah, but they are thick. And thick is gross.

But tiny grasshoppers aren’t thick, you might say. Yeah, but they are unpredictable and wait until the very last second to jump out of your way (or into your way on some occasions).

Stop hypothetically saying stuff. A bug doesn’t have to bite or sting for me to hate it. If it’s thick, unpredictable, or fast, it’s black listed. Butterflies (unpredictable and fast), lady bugs (unpredictable), and potato bugs (thick) are anomalies and cannot be used against me in my tirade against insects.

There’s also something about the fact that they are living. Even a dead bug is gross (though less so) if it was once living. If these were all just tiny little machines, I wouldn’t be scared in the slightest. I wonder why that is.

Shannon Hale

I got to meet one of my favorite writers on Saturday. The King’s English had a release party for Shannon Hale and her new book Forest Born. I would have bought the book from them as a thank you for hosting the event, but they weren’t releasing it until Saturday and I wanted to read it before the event. Its official release date was Tuesday, but Barnes and Noble sold it to me on Sunday.

The book was great. It didn’t make my top three (Princess Academy, Book of a Thousand Days, Austenland), but that doesn’t mean much since even my least favorite was a book I couldn’t put down. The most exciting part was the fact that I got to meet Shannon Hale.

She gave an excellent presentation outlining her time line as a writer. She had scanned in the first story she ever wrote. It was about a witch with green fingernails that saved a girl by giving her a pumpkin. It must’ve had a fall release date.

Before attending, I read up on her website in order to avoid asking any questions answered in her FAQ. I didn’t end up asking any questions during the Q&A (I was too nervous to raise my hand), but I did get quite a few in while she was signing my books. I hope I can remember most of them. (These answers are not direct quotes by any means. These are from my memory of two days ago.)

Q: So far all of your fairy tale re-tellings have been from Grimms Fairy Tales. Is there a reason you have only pulled from that collection?

A: It’s the one I have on my bookshelf. I’m not opposed to using any other fairy tales.

Q: What makes a particular fairy tale stand out to you as one you’d like to re-tell?

A: Some of them just feel unfinished, like there’s more to say.

Q: Did you know you were going to use all of the elements in your Bayern books?

A: I didn’t know I was going to make sequels, so no. And if I was strictly doing the elements, I would have used stone instead of tree, but I already kind of did that in Princess Academy.

Q: Will you use other magic powers outside the elements?

A: I might. I could use anything.

Q: Do you write the same thing in every book when you’re signing it [meaning, do you have a standard line for each book]?

A: No. I just write the first thing that comes to my mind. Some lines get repeated, though.

Q: Do you ever write anything completely random [when autographing]?

A: Yes. I’ll show you. [writes in my Goose Girl book 'To Jill- You are NOT tofu. -Shannon.'] See? And it’s true. You are definitely not tofu.

I gathered all my books, thanked her, and stepped aside for the next person in line. Here is what she wrote in each of my books:

• Princess Academy: To Jill- Who is royalty. -Shannon
• Book of a Thousand Days: To Jill- Who is cooler than yaks. -Shannon
• Austenland: To Jill- Tallyho! -Shannon [my favorite]
• Rapunzel’s Revenge: To Jill- One sassy cowgirl. Yeehaw! -Shannon
• The Actor and the Housewife: To Jill- Who deserves a hearty slice of pie. -Shannon
• Goose Girl: To Jill- You are NOT tofu. -Shannon
• Enna Burning: To Jill- Don’t be a pyro. -Shannon [this is what prompted my question about autographs]
• River Secrets: To Jill- Who has many great secrets. -Shannon
• Forest Born: To Jill- Who is lovely. -Shannon

I find it somewhat fascinating that I was so nervous to meet her. I think it’s because, in addition to having read her books multiple times, I read on her website how hard it is to be a writer. I’ve been contemplating attempting to be a writer myself and was very easily intimidated by her nine excellent books and impressive background (wanting to be a writer since fourth grade, masters in creative writing, etc). I made sure not to mention anything related to this desire in fear that she would be able to see into my mind and proclaim my inadequacies right then and there.

I’m very glad she lives in Utah as that means she’ll always have an event here when she has a new book. Thank you The King’s English Bookstore for hosting them! And thank you Shannon Hale for being such a good writer, fun speaker, and perfectly sweet celebrity. ^_^

Technology

I updated my online presence today in the following ways:

• I now have a Google Desktop. It has a Twitter, RSS updates, Gmail, a magic 8 ball, and the current moon phase. Exciting.
• I tweeted for the first time in, what? Days? Weeks?
• I commented on Megan’s blog for the first time in months (which means I read it for the first time in months).
• I am writing a blog post.
• I think I figured out how to automatically update my Twitter when I make a blog post (which means the purpose of this post is really just to test it out).

I was told my online presence will increase dramatically with a boring desk job. Neat, huh?

Living

I’m reading about other people’s lives online and I keep thinking that their lives are real stories while mine is more like an essay on a single topic. And I wonder, do I just need to go out and make the story happen? But then I get tired and want to take a nap.

AX09

DAY 0

On July 1st I flew into the LAX airport in Los Angeles, California full of hope and anticipation for a weekend of fun and frivolity. After overcoming such unexpected challenges as soon-to-be-expired IDs and lack of transportation to the hotel, Kimberly Hill and I soon found ourselves checking in to the Westin Bonaparte Hotel on Figueroa Street.

Joyful reunions with former college compadres Ariana Hazzard and Lauren Majakey were coupled with new introductions to Lauren’s sister Erin Majakey and Ariana’s co-worker Nicole Something-or-other. We soon found ourselves standing outside in a deceptively long line for registration. Excitement buzzed in the air as we spent the hours enjoying one of Anime Expo’s most enduring past-times: cosplay spotting. The convention itself didn’t technically start until Thursday, but never underestimate the anime fan’s dedication to their fandom. Registration, apparently, is plenty of cause to don a costume.

Registration was soon followed by a couple of hours in line for event tickets. We didn’t expect to be waiting in line all night, but if we wanted to get good seats at the Anime Music Video Contest on Friday night, it was a sacrifice we had to make. I’m fairly certain we didn’t leave the convention center until some time between ten and eleven in the evening. Lauren, Erin, and I decided to hit up the local Denny’s while the rest of the girls went to a convenience store and then to bed. Tomorrow the convention would begin–bright and early with Opening Ceremonies at 9:00 AM.

DAY 1

Video: in which Kimberly refuses to cooperate.

After overcoming a few hotel-related issues, we found ourselves at the Los Angeles Convention Center dressed to the nines (as all good anime fans should) in anime cosplay.

Video: in which you see Nicole, Ariana, Kimberly, and myself in cosplay

Albeit late, at least we made it to Opening Ceremonies this year (Kimberly and I missed it entirely last year).

Video: in which late is on time

This being the first time I really used my camera for an extended period of time, I wasn’t able to get a video of each guest. The time it takes to upload videos to YouTube and your patience as a reader combined probably make that a good thing, however.

Video: in which we meet Kari Wahlgren

Video: in which we meet Moi Dix Mois

I actually saw them walking through the Westin lobby before we made it over to the Convention Center. As you probably noticed, they would have been fairly easy to spot.

Video: in which we meet Takashi Okazaki

I’m watching Afro Samurai right now. It’s alright. His little introduction was fairly entertaining, though.

Video: in which we meet Yosuke Kuroda

I thought his little introduction was pretty cute. He seemed quite excited to be there.

Video: in which I quickly get bored listening to Satoshi Nishimura

That’s where I first heard about this supposedly “highly anticipated” Trigun movie.

Video: in which we meet the guest I was most excited to see: Toshiyuki Morikawa

Oh Naraku…why won’t you just die already?

Now that all the guests have been introduced, Anime Expo is officially declared open with a traditional Japanese ceremony. At events, the first eye of this doll is drawn in during opening ceremonies while the second eye is drawn in at the closing. Unfortunately, however, we weren’t able to use cameras during the closing ceremonies, so you won’t get to see the partner video.

Video: in which Mr. Morikawa draws in the eye

Thus concludes the Opening Ceremonies for Anime Expo. And thus concludes the first installment of my AX09 reverie.

Late Night Nostalgia

I miss Roxy. I miss Lauren. I miss Gradam. And Dave. And Russell.

I found myself thinking it would be fun to go back to BYU and live in Provo again. But Provo is painfully empty.

So is Arrowhead Hill, where I did my field study. And Megan’s house where I watched Willy Wonka and Sliding Doors. And Brian’s basement where Overflow practiced. Even my bedroom at home.

There’s nothing there to go back to. And for right now, that makes me sad.